Running out of coping juice. Everyone I know is back at work now. Knowing that I have no one to turn to is getting to me much worse than I thought it would. I really believed that I'd be ok today. For most of the day I have been. It's only now that I'm really starting to struggle.
I hate myself for being so weak. I now realise that that's where the desire to self harm comes from. A very strong sense of self loathing leads to a desire to punish oneself. It's a desire I still feel very strongly. I would never have believed I could end up so fucked up as this.
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