Confession

This is kind of a semi confession. Deep down I've known that I've been suffering with mild depression (if there is such a thing) for years. Being me, I bravely soldiered on with gritted teeth, slowly getting worse and worse, slowly hating myself more and more for not being able to deal with it better. Never getting help, never even acknowledging that I might be ill.

It's sad that I've had to let myself reach this breaking point before getting help. I can chart how it's progression has sped up in recent years simply by looking how I'd been cutting myself off from everyone.

Suffering with the headaches has also made it easy to use them as an excuse for problems that have been really down to the depression. Even to myself sometimes. Although I've told my family that I'm suffering with it, they still think that when I stay in bed all day it's always down to the headaches.

It's hard admitting this to myself. Even harder to put it here knowing others might read it. If only I'd sought help years ago.

On the plus side, I'm feeling a little more together right now. Also the painkillers have actually had some effect for a change and taken the edge off the headache. Maybe today won't be so bad after all.