Still felt twisted up inside today, but for some reason I've been able to deal with it better and be a vaguely normal human being. Largely thanks to Phil and Param letting me inflict my presence on them again. Thanks guys, you've been great.
Started to struggle a bit as the evening wore on but I still had it under control. Unfortunately as I was driving home tonight a voice that I think was me quite clearly said
"Just crash the fucking car and get it over with"
The moment passed as quickly as it came, but the damage was done. The control that I'd been so proud of all day utterly vanished.
I'm sitting here now fighting to regain control. At the moment the battle could go either way.
Tomorrow I'll be taking Doug and Cheryl to Gatwick airport. Once again I'll be out all day.
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