Thursday, 29 May 2008
Down But Not Out
Feeling down today but a long way from the desperation I've been feeling. Pretty much nailed the headache with painkillers this morning so I'm ready to go. Trouble is I don't actually seem to have anywhere to go at the moment. This feeling of aimlessness, of having no purpose, is a big part of my problem.
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Some people turn to religion when they seek meaning in their lives. I, as a scientist, believe that life has no meaning other than to continue. Therefore, in the absence of a higher calling and an inability (or necessity) to continue the species, I have decied that I have to give myself a meaning.
I've not quite decided upon that meaning yet (it's the kid in a candystore problem), so I am putting it off, safe in the knowledge that I can make that decision tomorrow should I feel able. It's fine to be aspirational, and envy all the other people out there who seem to be accomplishing great things (for without it, I won't get out of bed in the morning) but in the meantime, I'm going to aim for some neutral contentment. I've got a roof over my head and food in my fridge, and that's a hell of a lot better than most of the other people on this planet.
It's ok to not have a purpose. It means you can take your time to pick the right one for yourself.
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