Despite feeling pretty good when I went to bed last night, the horror still visited twice. Coped much better with it than the previous night though. Hopefully I can continue to do so.
This morning the twisting, tight, ball of anguish that lives deep in my gut isn't quite as bad as usual. The sun is shining through my window and, hopefully if it's not too cold, I can get out there.
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You'll have to forgive me Ant, but I'm a little confused as to what 'the horrors' actually are. Is it physical pain, or emotional distress, or does the one bring about the other?
I wish I could explain it better but I can't. But it just feels like the end of everything.
Had another think about it and I'll try again.
It's like a wave of the blackest desperation and hopelessness imaginable.
Hmm, nope still not quite there.
Nonetheless it's helping me to understand. Keep trying. I'm sure eventually you'll be able to articulate it effectively enough to do it justice.
Hi
I went through something similar to this. Not identical, by the sound of it but there's definitely some overlap.
I'm trying to look back and see what helped my recovery. It's only recently that I would dare to do so because the whole experience still scares the crap out of me. It seems not to have been any one big thing but lots of little ones. Certainly one of my problems in getting any better was how long it took me to face up to the problem and ask for help. I think the posts in this blog show more courage than I ever mustered.
Good luck and keep up the struggle, it is worth it in the end.
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