Bearable

Been over to Doug's tonight. Watched The Bourne Ultimatum. Decent enough film.

It's a constant source of astonishment to me that I have acquired such good friends over the years when I know how difficult I am to talk to. I see how uncomfortable I make people feel when I first meet them. Somehow I've been lucky enough to meet people able to see beyond that social incompetence.

Overall I'm feeling better than I have in days. I still have that horrible gnawing, twisting, hollow sensation in my gut, but I don't feel as if I'm about to burst into tears any second. I don't feel any deep desire to cut myself. I don't feel any need to drown the pain in alcohol. I don't feel like I want to die. This is bearable. And I've felt like this most of the evening. I really wish it could last. This I can deal with.