Motivation

I realised that I was going to slip into a bit of a funk if I didn't do something. It had to be something that required minimal effort though. So I went to the shops and bought a couple of cheap t shirts. I don't need them but if I hadn't decided to get something specific I wouldn't have been able to drag myself out.

Doing things for myself takes so much out of me. I can quite happily do stuff for others, but lack any motivation for anything of benefit to myself. Some days brushing my teeth is my biggest achievement. Today it may well be shaving.

I've only just made the connection between the fact that I don't seem to like myself very much, and the fact that I hate being alone. It seems I can't stand my own company. It really is a blow for someone who has always been such a loner.

Tonight my brother and his wife are visiting. I get on well with him and, being the younger brother, he is much closer to my dad and stepmother than me. My dad and brother will be heading to the pub together. If I'm feeling up to it I may join them.