I thought I was finally starting to get a handle on things. Then suddenly I crash into a thousand pieces again. For no reason. I hate this. I hate myself for being so weak. How could I be so pathetic as to let this happen to me?
You are not weak Ant. You need to want to get better, or you'll never do anything about it. Writing about your depression is your first step to recovery, and in my book that means that you're stronger than you think you are.
However, 'wanting to get better' is a tricky desire to balance, and if you want something too much or too quickly you'll get frustrated about not having it yet, leading you to spiral back down again.
It's at this point where I feel the phrases "don't run before you can walk" and "take each day as it comes" become appropriate, but they're horrible, horrible clichés that I kept being told when I was recovering from my operation, so I'll pretend that you've come to that conclusion yourself so I won't have to mention them.
Can I just echo Chris' wise comments and say that I agree - you are not weak, just ill. If you broke a leg - everyone could see what was wrong and tell you to rest. The problem is - it's harder for people to see depression (and that includes yourself too sometimes - your sense of proportion is usually the first thing to vanish) and so to be able to take appropriate action is not obvious.
It's great you want to get better and by acknowledging the problem you're on your way. But getting too ambitious and impatient can lead to frustration. It takes time to sort out stuff and reflect - especially in your own head. This blog is part of your reflecting process.
3 comments:
You are not weak Ant. You need to want to get better, or you'll never do anything about it. Writing about your depression is your first step to recovery, and in my book that means that you're stronger than you think you are.
However, 'wanting to get better' is a tricky desire to balance, and if you want something too much or too quickly you'll get frustrated about not having it yet, leading you to spiral back down again.
It's at this point where I feel the phrases "don't run before you can walk" and "take each day as it comes" become appropriate, but they're horrible, horrible clichés that I kept being told when I was recovering from my operation, so I'll pretend that you've come to that conclusion yourself so I won't have to mention them.
Can I just echo Chris' wise comments and say that I agree - you are not weak, just ill. If you broke a leg - everyone could see what was wrong and tell you to rest. The problem is - it's harder for people to see depression (and that includes yourself too sometimes - your sense of proportion is usually the first thing to vanish) and so to be able to take appropriate action is not obvious.
It's great you want to get better and by acknowledging the problem you're on your way. But getting too ambitious and impatient can lead to frustration. It takes time to sort out stuff and reflect - especially in your own head. This blog is part of your reflecting process.
I was going to comment but Chris and Dave said it better
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