Better

Better day today. Been out on the bike in the sun and enjoyed it. Now to stick a pizza in the oven and watch the cup final. And, of course, as a typical Brit, I'm backing the underdog. For the next few hours I'm an Everton fan.

Dunno

Dunno what's happened today. Feeling worse than I have in quite a while. Tried to make myself leave the house earlier and reduced myself to a quivering wreck. All I want to do right now is lie down and cry myself to sleep. It's so hard. I promised my partner I wouldn't stay in today but now I don't know how to keep that promise.

Rotten

Rotten day today. No doubt about it, since I stopped my meds the headaches have been getting worse and more frequent. Seems I have a choice between being suicidally depressed or the feeling that my brain is about to explode. Bugger.

Tired

Thanks to the stupid police copter deciding to spend half the night seemingly hovering directly over our house, I have had very little sleep again. Once upon a time I would have slept right through it. These days, even when I do sleep, it doesn't seem to be as deep and refreshing as it used to be and is easily disturbed. Whinge over.

Alone

Just lately I've been sliding back to feeling more and more alone during the day. Not sure why this should be so. After all, I have wonderful, loving company every evening; I should be able to cope on my own for a few hours.

I think a lot of it comes down to me turning in on myself again. As the old Ant reasserts himself so does that complete inability to ask for help when I need it. I'll have to watch that very carefully.

Unfortunately...

...some days I still feel like killing myself.