Strain

Getting hard to cope. Headaches getting worse. Feeling lousy. We move on Friday. So much to do. Maybe if I didn't feel so ill I could cope better but as it is I want to hide under a rock. Keep worrying about the van we've hired for the move. I just can't see how it can be big enough to get everything in. Keep worrying about everything really. Once upon a time I would have dealt with this all without a problem. Now it feels as if the world is collapsing around my ears.

Stress

Been a hectic weekend house hunting. Fortunately we seem to have found a decent place in Sutton Coldfield. Move date is set for the 27th, providing the last piece of the puzzle falls neatly into place (and there's no reason why it shouldn't).

Financially things are going to be ridiculously tight for a while. But I can cheerfully exist on a diet of beans on toast so I think we'll manage. The stress of it all is taking it's toll on both of us but we're coping. I'll be glad when it's all over and done with.

Oddly enough there's something a little scary about moving back to the West Midlands. I think that maybe being up here has felt a little like an escape from my problems, and now I'm moving back into the thick of things again. At least I'll have my friends around though and that's something I am looking forward to.

Lazy? Me?

Wasn't sure how I felt when I got up this morning. But quickly got to grips with the day. The sun was shining which always helps. So from somewhere I found some motivation and got round to cleaning the bike. I'm pretty shocked by how much damage the winter road salt has done to it. Also I'm angry with myself for letting it get so bad.

But regardless, after a quick wash the urge was upon me to take it for a spin. So i did. And now for a lazy day playing Footy Manager I think.

Getting Hectic

Spent this morning phoning estate agents. Lined up a few properties to look at over the weekend. Saturday is going to involve a hell of a lot of running around though.

Saw Watchmen yesterday. Must be confusing to anyone who never read the graphic novel (comic) but I was very impressed. About as good an adaptation as they could have made I reckon.

Understanding

For the sake of my family I've been pretending that my depression has more or less passed. I can only pull this off because it's what they want to believe. The problem now is that they're beginning to put me under pressure to get back to work. I absolutely cannot deal with this. I feel badly enough about not bringing any money in and this added family pressure just makes me crumble. I am nowhere near capable of dealing with the kind of stress that goes with a job.

While I don't expect anyone that's never experienced depression to be able to understand it, I do wish I could get a little more patience from people. I'll be back at work when I know I can cope and not before. I wish I could understand why certain people won't accept that for an answer.

Who Watches...?

Finally going to see Watchmen this afternoon. Yes I realise that everyone else has already seen it, but so what. Been waiting years for this movie and nothing is going to spoil the occasion for me, even if I'm not getting to see it at the Imax as originally planned.

Feeling pretty good at the moment, especially as Panama by Van Halen just came on the radio. Time to go do my chores I think.

stressful

Stressful day today. The buyers for the house came around for another look. We'd had a leak in the bathroom a few days back and the repairs have left the the living room ceiling looking a little... untidy shall we say. Fortunately they didn't seem too bothered.

The time frame for the move is the end of this month and, for the first time, I'm starting to feel the stress of it getting to me. Just gonna switch off for the rest of the day I think and do nothing. Not that I do much anyway. Really hoping that this doesn't get worse.

Sleepless But Coping

The insomnia issue I was having has largely gone away. I still have the occasional problem though. Like tonight, for example. 4am and my brain will not switch off. But at least it's just an inconvenience now rather than driving me insane as it used to.

The planned move back down to the West Midlands is still going ahead. Looking for a place around Birmingham and, although it is quite stressful, the adventure of it is helping to stop me going under. If things keep going as well as they are I may even get back to work this year. We'll see.

Blowing Away The Cobwebs

Err...hi again.

Been a while but I thought I'd just drop by. In many ways it must be a good thing that I've not needed this blog. On the other hand sometimes I think it would be useful to get things off my chest occasionally.

So this is me rebooting this site. I'm still struggling but the black despair and pain are far less these days. Hopefully this will be less a cry of despair and more about what I'm up to, so here goes...

For the last few months I've been living with a wonderful woman called Michelle. Sadly, on the down side, I've had a bit of a bust up with my father. Seems that my depression did more damage to the family than I realised.

Currently we are selling the house and hopefully in the following weeks/months we'll be moving back to my home area. Feels a bit like a house of cards organising it all but we're coping well and eventually I'm sure it'll all work out. That's all for now I think. More soon.