wish i was dead. big deal, whats new.
tried this evening, really tried, just to manage alone. and i can do it easy. just curl up on my bed and wait. easy. ive been doing it most of my life. but whats the point.
How much do shrinks get paid, how long do they have to train for? How can they talk for half an hour just to prescribe some pills and tell you, what boils down to, pull yourself together cos no one else gives a toss?
for the record, the shrink is increasing my dosage of Fluoxetine to the maximium. Also giving me Zopiclone to help me sleep. Won't give me more than 2 weeks supply though. probably wise move at the moment.
yep just googled it. 2 weeks aint enough for a fatal dose. its not like i plan on going that way anyway. easy to see how one bad night could tempt you to take the lot on the spur of the moment though.
meh enough pointless ramble. i'll still be here tomorrow.
1 comment:
> pull yourself together cos no one else gives a toss?
I'm sure you know by now, from the wealth of support that your friends have shown you that people DO give a toss.
And, I'm sure you also know that we can't pull you together for you, however much we'd like to. That's your job.
An average week for me, is to spend 3 hours on a Friday, Sunday, and Monday evening with friends. That's 9 hours, out of an estimated 112 waking hours per week. Knock off 8*5 work hours, and that's actually 61 waking hours I spend alone.
If I spent those 61 hours holed up in my bedroom with no distractions, I'd probably go stark raving bonkers. So, I actively seek out ways to pass the time. I 'pay' for the pleasure of spending 9 hours in good company, by putting up with the fact that 61 hours will have to be spent finding a way to pass the time alone.
Being alone for some of the time is a fact of life, and you're going to have to accept that. Luckily, you are reaching out to people and getting out of the house. You are doing the right things, but you can't expect other people to keep you distracted all the time, you've really got to try very hard to find your own distractions and ways of coping. I know you said that you're finding it difficult to get interested in anything, but you've just got to keep searching until you do get interested in something.
May I make an observation? I'm beginning to associate your depression with your bedroom. Do you feel depressed, and then hide away in your bedroom? Or, do you have nothing better to do, so you sit in your bedroom, and then spiral down because you're staring at the same four walls again?
Or, am I just missing the point again?
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