People

I used to find it difficult to talk to people. Especially to ask for help. Then I had a complete breakdown. Following that it felt like all my walls were demolished. I felt raw and exposed. But it also left me with nothing to lose and, for the first time in my life, I really opened up to people. And I found that I liked it.

As I've crawled along the slow road to recovery, those walls have gone back up. I find it difficult to talk to people again. Even the people that I leaned on most heavily. And I hate it. I want to get that feeling back, without the desperation and suicidal tendencies obviously. But I just don't know where it's gone. I'd hate to think that in order to recover I've got to return to the way I used to be. Because I really never liked that person much.